When I was in the Navy, I had a friend named Allen. Great guy and he was Jewish. My problem was that he used to tell jokes all the time and he would tell jokes about the Jews that were killed in concentration camps during WWII. I was mortified that he could make such jokes about his own religious background. I asked him about it and he said that his grandfathers cousins were killed in the camps and he still kept on cracking these totally distasteful jokes. Allen said that the humor helped him deal with it as he was growing up. I personally couldn't see the benefit, but then I didn't have anything that would compare to his circumstance in my life.
I still don't agree with his assessment, but I have to live and let live also. Anyone have any thoughts about how I might have dealt with this?
Hi Mark, (I'm Jim's student aid, in case he hasn't "virtually" introduced me to your class yet; he gave me permission to read/comment on your guys' blogs)
ReplyDeleteWhat a dilemma. I would probably have reacted similarly to you when your friend started telling those jokes. I know your friend said that "humor" is his way of dealing with his painful background, but I personally wonder if this is really a healthy way of dealing with problems. Sometimes we can use humor to side-step the real issues we're dealing with so that they don't hurt as much in the moment. I certainly can't judge your friend as he copes with his own, real, pain, but I can't help wondering if maybe he just needs someone to talk to and be real with. Maybe he needs a solid friend to whom he can just spill out his guts and get it on the table - someone who will listen and say, 'Dude, that sucks. I can't even imagine what that would be like.' But I don't know...maybe he's had too many "pity conversations" with people to even want to talk about it. This is really a tough one.